Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
