i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
