we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to get me chipped asap
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