The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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