i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
