So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
