Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize