Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We are two peas in an std pod
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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