U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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