Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
