It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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