i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
