my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize