all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
