I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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