I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
