I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
