When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
