based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
