True but thats because hes a fetus.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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