So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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