Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
