we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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