Do you still have your period?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
