I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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