I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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