meet me or not, i'm out of control
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
