Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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