Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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