Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
