it wasn't lemon gatorade
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
