Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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