Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
