All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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