If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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