we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
