Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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