Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
