The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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