How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
