whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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