After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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