I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
