Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize