your thong is hanging out like whoa
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
