the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
