I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
