I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
