Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
