What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
