A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
