No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize