watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
