My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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