I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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