Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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