Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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