he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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