wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
