it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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