This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize