Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
