I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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