And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize