half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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