Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
