did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
