so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
