If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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