umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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