look no pants
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
