He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize