bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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