No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
