saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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