were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
